Fantasy Football Outsider Poetry Draft

The Paducah Plain Speakers outsider poetry slam team recently held their annual fantasy football draft at the Regency Hilton, and there were a few surprises. 

Teddy Roosevalt was once again drafted, for the seventeenth straight season, but hasn't suited up once.

Crystal McCracken drafted an unusual team, with six kickers in the starting lineup. All in all over twenty poets were drafted at the quarterback position. None are starters in the NFL.

The Regency was a wonderful hotel with an all you can eat breakfast of toasts and powdered eggs and grapes and stuff. There was cable in the room and I watched a few re-runs of Mr. Ed om MeTV before bed. I got a little worked up because I was excited about my team, and was happy to get Antonio Brown in the sixth round when no one else seemed to know who he was. Here's my team...

QB Cam Newton
QB Aaron Rodgers
QB Tom Brady
RB David Johnson
RB Lamar Miller
RB Ezekial Elliot
RB laveon Bell
WR Antonio Brown
WR Julio Jones
WR Deandre Hopkins
WR Odell Bechkam Jr.
TE Rob Gronkowski
TE Jordan Reed
K Lyndon Larouche

I feel like a made a mistake overlooking Sylvia Plath and Denise Levertov in the middle rounds, but it's hard to pass up Julio Jones in the 7th round.

I guess we'll find out Sunday how I did. 

I have to go to a garage sale on the block now.

Outsider Poets of Padukah

The Outsider Poets of Padukah are not happy with the direction Outsider Poetry has been going in the 21st century. 

Outsider Poets of Padukah

I'm excited that Sam Acho is returning to the Bears roster this week, and I'm bummed that Duke Ianacho has been put on injured reserve. 

What is Outsider Poetry?

Nothing, really. Apparently. In the past it was a catch-all category for poetry or art created primarily by mental patients or self-trained artists. I'm really kind of sick of talking about it. I never really tire of the name Paducah, though, and I occasionally feel the need to refresh my memory of the best funny sounding names of cities.

Paducah.

Sheboygan.

Kokomo.

Cucamonga.

Then I always forget the last one, or two, because I insist there are six, but I never can remember all of them. If you want to post the funny name of a city here go ahead. I'll probably come back later when I remember and add the other one.

Last night was interesting on Thursday Night Football, and somewhat liberating for me in that I had put a lot of energy and thought into my drafts, but as soon as the game started people who hadn't put any thought into it were playing Knile Davis and I knew he would score a touchdown in the game eventually even if he was a negligible part of the game plan, and he did, and I couldn't do anything but laugh because it felt completely freeing in that I realized it was pointless to care about something so much because all of life is random and it seems at times the more you care about something the more the Universe seems determined to teach you a hard lesson that you're not in charge here.

But unfortunately for you I am sort of in charge here at Outsider Poets of Padukah. I'd like to explain to you why this blog exists at all, but see the above paragraph for the only explanation I can offer. I feel I need to slip a lot of the Universe's sucker punches by just continuing to press forward. 

Dat Paducah Outsider Poetry ass. No idea why this picture shows up when I search for Paducah, but then again, having been to Paducah, it makes a lot of sense. Here at Paducah Outsider Poets we're not intentionally trying to show you our ass. Really, that's not what any of this about. 

The next five exits are all Paducah, so get off wherever you want, with whomever you want, using any combination of genitalia and/or props you want, I really don't care. I need a lot more words here, don't I? The Waffle House is very popular in the South, and you start seeing them as soon as you get to the Southern tip of Illinois, which might as well be Mississippi for the most part, and I went in one in Paducah, and I have to tell you it wasn't very good. Breakfast food isn't that hard to prepare, and at the Waffle House that's what they do, so when they burn toast, put runny eggs on a plate, and can't get bacon or coffee right I'm left wondering about the culinary judgement of people all throughout the American South. Also, see the above picture. Kentucky and Tennessee were a delight to drive through, and I stopped to see Hitler's typewriter, which could have ended up nowhere but in Alabama. 

Next Outsider Poets of Padukah meeting will be held in Kokomo on December 2nd. Bring a dish to pass, but, please, no poems.

It was then that I knew the Padukah Poets were carrying me.