Friday, October 7, 2016

The Outsider Poets of Padukah Try To Donate Books To Local Library

There was a spot of bother last week when the Outsider Poets of Padukah tried to donate several books to the local library. The problem was they were poetry books, and the library refused to accept them. Then the poets were asked to leave and their library cards and lending privileges were revoked. 

This would have been humiliation enough for the poets, but as wind of the attempted poetry donation leaked out a flash mob had formed outside the library and began pelting the poets with zucchinis as they tried to leave. 

Undeterred, the Outsider Poets of Padukah resolved that they would donate the books to some worthy, and unsuspecting cause or be the worse for trying. Who is it that would be least able to fight off their charity they thought. The sick? The elderly? Children? 

It was decided sick children would be the most receptive audience for the books as they had the least chance of fighting back against poetry. So they went to the children's hospital and stealthily attempted to leave the books in a garbage can in one of the bathrooms, but they were sniffed out by an orderly who has a nose for poetry, and asked to leave the premises (with the books). Similar results were achieved at the old folks home and the local asylum, and by the end of the afternoon news had spread throughout the metropolitan area and the OPP were unwelcome everywhere they went. 

The moral of the story is don't write books. It's a terrible thing to do. Watch more television. Right now I got two screens going. One is on The Human Duplicators, and the other is on Dawn of the Dead. I just ate half a container of salty sunflower seeds, and since this is my final blog of the night I want to give a shout out to this great blog of Outlaw Poetry by Thomas L. Vaultonburg which is an ironical title because the poetry is fake. I always fake the poetry in case anyone is watching. 

I have actually been in Padukah four times, and slept there once, and ate at the Waffle House there once. People love the Waffle House, but they really screwed up our entire order and even made bad toast and eggs. I wasn't very impressed, but I think Paducah is the near south and the real Waffle Houses are probably in the deep south, but someone said eat at the Krystal Burger and we did in Alabama and it felt like they steamed sour, rotten meat. We did get a good peach nearby, though, and the oysters were good. A shark swam through my legs in the Gulf. 

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